Writing on this blog is very bright. Though the version that you are reading has the black background, mine is so white and bland. I am sitting in the dark with the dog whining because it is bedtime and my head pounding from a cold that is trying to invade my sinuses and head and might be winning. Maybe a little music will assist. I write all my papers and stories with music running. I am not sure if it allows me to channel what I am really thinking and the other things that run through my brain run out and dance. What a concept. I would be rich in the Mental Health community for all manic patients. Hmmm maybe I will write a book on controlling Bipolar without medication as the author that wrote the one on Anxiety. I will pass that on with my doc.
New ideas? None lately. I started carrying my book and pencil around and I have a couple of things written which will fall into my personal thoughts tonight but I just want to stay on course with my short term goal.
Today I was going to do one hour of each of my online programs and the rest school. Did not happen. Sick or not it has to happen tomorrow for I have a speech due Tuesday night. It is a good thing I can write an A paper in 20 minutes. well a 93 in 20 minutes. Guess I will go for 100. no more slacking! But can't wait for my speech. I love doing this and I think i may find a toastmasters in the area.
Toastmasters though will happen after my Green Belt and I finish the HIMSS classes.
Short term goal is off and going. well half of it today. I loved my workout and my Closer taught me some things so we are trying them tomorrow. Love that man. I have only known him for a month or so but how lucky I am to have found such an insightful friend.
No short stories again. I feel I will have one by Wednesday after class or Thursday. I feel one coming on.
Now for the hardest part of this boring post. Yes I am trying to get to bed and frustrated with this sinus pressure. So while I was on and off napping today, I watched Glee of all things and became an emotional mess. When it comes to music I love to sing and dance and clean my house to it. But once in a while a song becomes part of my life and describes me. The me inside me if that makes sense. For 25 years my husband didn't know that my favorite color was red. I always initiated the romance and kink in our bedroom sex. Yeah he would initiate porn type sex. grunt groan. Meaningless. to me yes and some say that meaningless is fun but what is the true definition. Meaningless to me is a spontaneous meet you behind the tree for fun sex. To him meaningless was to pump hard and cum hard. What human wants that? Not me...oh that is why he is my ex? Well yes and no. No because he was seeing someone for 4 years and yes because I am now glad he was :). So this tells you that I have maybe shared my thoughts with one or two people in my life. One of them died last October and the other is involved with someone so doesn't have time. Now Closer has come along and offered me an outlet and a goal. So I thank you(since I know you will read this). But getting off track.
So, watching Glee I sang to all the songs. The ones that I remember from High school and broken hearts or being thrown in Jail(another story). The song Royals, touches my erotic side. I could have serious sex to that song or use that song to perform a wonderful interlude to the person I finally find that is my true best friend. Then a song came on called Creeps. It is by Radiohead. I have never been so enthralled with a song like this. I listen to this band and words can flow along with feelings. So I was asked why I was weepy? Because I need to reach my goal in March to finish of the whole short term goal. Closer understands this I hope. When May comes I will have complete freedom. Freedom to achieve any goal I can set me mind to. In just 4 months I can solve all the issues of the past and create all new dreams for the future. In the meantime I will continue to sing, dance, be enthralled, and weep. Because for once I am living and feeling. And soon I will be living and feeling openly.
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